


Green Tally Marks

by Tricket5013



Series: Angsty stories with happy sequels [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a not so happy ending, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders-centric, Gen, I'm tired, Light Angst, Mentions of Death, i dunno, mostly just wishing you disappeared, seriously though someone please hug him, sort of but not really, totally not projecting on Virgil wdym, uhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:41:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27991683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tricket5013/pseuds/Tricket5013
Summary: His green marker was starting to run out.And to think it had only been a week since he first started using it.Or:Virgil has tally marks all over his arm. Whenever he wants to disappear, he adds a new one.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: Angsty stories with happy sequels [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2117376
Comments: 5
Kudos: 90





	Green Tally Marks

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so tired right now. This is the first time I'm writing for this fandom, so... Please don't judge me too hard? Anyways, enjoy hopefully

His green marker was starting to run out.  
And to think it had only been a week since he first started using it.

Virgil sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes before getting out of bed. He didn't remember falling asleep last night. He pulled his phone out from the messy blankets and checked the time. 11 am. He plugged his phone into the charger, before pulling on his hoodie. He was still wearing yesterday's clothes. He hadn't bothered to change before flopping on his bed with his phone, and it wasn't worth the effort now. Virgil stepped over to the mirror, frowning at the obvious eye-bags before applying his eye shadow over them. Maybe Logan wouldn't bother his as much about his bad sleeping habits if there wasn't any evidence. He glared at his reflection. The messy hair, the hidden eye-bags, the imperfections he couldn't be bothered to hide with concealer. Then he pulled out the green marker, and he drew another tally mark on his arm. 

*

Walking to the living room was pointless when Virgil could just appear there whenever he wanted to, so he did just that, collapsing on the couch. He half regretted not bringing his phone and headphones, but his phone was almost dead anyways. He shifted on the couch, moving into a more comfortable position. He tried to remember when he had fallen asleep again, but the thought just made his head hurt. He looked around at the living room, looking for something to focus on.  
As if he had been summoned, Logan appeared in front of him. For a moment Virgil thought that maybe there was a chance he didn't see him, that Logan would do whatever he came to do and leave, but all hope of being left alone was erased when Logan's eyes met his. 

Logan frowned at his position. "Did you sleep at all last night?"  
Virgil tried yet again to remember how late he had stayed up. He shrugged. "Probably."

Virgil looked away from Logan, not wanting to know what Logan must be thinking right now. For one painful moment, it was quiet, before Logan started talking again.  
"You know that getting at least eight hours of sleep each night is essential for–"  
"I know, I know." Virgil cut him off. On a different day, he might have just tuned Logan out and let him ramble, but today he just didn't have the energy to pretend to listen. He pulled out the green marker, uncapping it and pulling at his sleeve. 

"You realise that drawing on your skin can be harmful? Especially with permanent markers like the ones you have there, which aren't made for–"  
"Okay." Virgil cut him off again. On another day, he would have worried about being rude. Today, he just met Logan's eyes again. He watched whatever emotion had been in Logan's eyes drain away, replaced with the cold poker face he had long since mastered. Logan pursed his lips, looking like he wanted to speak up again. Then he shook his head, turning away and walking to the kitchen. Maybe he figured it wasn't worth trying to talk sense into Virgil. Maybe he realized that Virgil was a lost cause. 

Virgil pulled his sleeve down, adding another tally mark, careful not to smudge the green ink. 

*

Movie nights were a pretty normal occurrence in the mindpalace. That's why Virgil wasn't surprised when he heard knocking on his door that evening.  
Honestly, he was surprised he even heard it. He was about to open Spotify, headphones already on, and it was a rule in the mindpalace to knock quietly after loud knocking woke one of them up one two many times. 

Virgil stood up, going over the excuses he could give on his head. When he had dismissed every excuse he could think of, he gave up on his plans to get some time alone and opened the door.  
"Hey kiddo, are you ready for movie night?" Patton smiled at Virgil, and even if he had had a good enough excuse Virgil wouldn't be able to say no when Patton looked that happy about it.  
"Almost. Who's turn is it to pick today?" There was a very specific order for who chose the movie each time, but Virgil couldn't be bothered to actually find out what it was. Logan was the only one who remembered it anyways. 

"Roman. He already picked out a movie." 

Virgil resisted the urge to roll his eyes, instead telling Patton that he'd be down in a minute and closing the door. Roman had a good taste in movies, but he had a habit of choosing the same few movies every time it was his turn to pick one. Virgil took a moment to fix his hair in the mirror, smoothing out the creases in his hoodie before heading downstairs. Normally, he wouldn't bother walking there, but he wanted all the quiet he could get before he had to listen to Roman sing along to the entire soundtrack of whatever movie he had chosen. 

Virgil walked into the living room, hands stuffed in the pockets of his hoodie. Despite it being the middle of summer, the couch in front of the TV was covered in blankets and pillows. He took a seat at the end of the couch, avoiding the lump of blankets that could only be Patton. Sure enough, Patton pulled the blanket off his head moments later, giving Virgil another smile. And after an argument over the popcorn and a few blankets being stolen, the movie started. 

As he had predicted, Roman chose Aladdin again. Virgil had nothing against the movie, except for the fact that this was around the fifth time they were watching it together. He really wished he had been busy when Patton invited him. If he could disappear right there, without anyone noticing, he would have done it in an instant. Virgil's hand was halfway to his sleeve before he remembered that the last thing he needed right now was for the other sides to ask him about the tally marks. He put his hand back in his pocket, but the urge to draw another tally mark remained. 

*

Three movies later, Virgil was starting to feel dizzy. Logan had left after the first movie, but not before reminding them not to stay up too late. The three of them had decided to completely ignore his advice, and Virgil was sure Logan would have something to say about that in the morning. In the meantime, Virgil was tired. He was tired and it was hot with all the blankets and his hoodie on, and he wanted to sink away and either sleep or disappear out of existence, and he pulled his sleeve down, taking out his green marker– 

Roman had suddenly gone quiet.  
Virgil looked over to him. He noticed the look on Roman's face and followed his gaze, eyes widening slightly as he realized what he was looking at. Roman stared at the neat green lines on Virgil's arm. Last time Virgil had counted them, there had been twenty one. He supposed there were more now, but he didn't want to look at them long enough to count.

"What are you counting?" Roman asked finally, with a tone too soft for him to be asking solely out of curiosity, and for a moment Virgil could almost fool himself into that he cared. For a moment he almost considered telling him the truth: that each mark was for a different time when he wanted to disappear, that he was counting every time he wished that they had just let him duck out when he had tried. But he couldn't say that. So instead he pulled out his marker, drew another tally mark on his arm, and said, "I'm counting how many stupid questions you ask." And just like that, any chance of Roman caring was thrown out the window as he a glared at Virgil.

Roman opened his mouth to answer, but he was interrupted by the end credits song starting. So instead Roman just stood up, turning off the movie and leaving the room. Virgil watched him go, too exhausted to say anything else. 

*

When Virgil woke up, he was in his room. He didn't remember leaving the couch, so he supposed it must have been Patton who brought him there. He sat up. The sleeve of his hoodie was still rolled up. He looked at his arm. It was completely covered in the tally marks. No wonder Roman had stared. It was the first time he saw the tally marks all at once since... Did he really do all this in just a week?  
Virgil got up, walking over to the bathroom numbly. He washed his face, then his hands, watching some of the green ink go down the drain. He stared at it, as if maybe, if he stared hard enough, he could follow it. He pulled the green marker from his pocket, throwing it away before summoning a new one. He pulled down his left sleeve, stopping to look at the clean skin. Because there was no space left on his right arm. Because they weren't washing off as fast as he was drawing new ones.  
He drew another tally mark.


End file.
